This is day 1 of the October Writing Challenge. I’ll be writing every day in the month of October. A little background: most of these posts will be short, stream-of-consciousness style pieces, which means I will start writing and I won’t stop until either 10, 15, or 20 minutes pass. I won’t edit, delete, or censor myself (for the most part) so you should possibly ready yourself for some craziness. For some posts I’ll be using prompts, most of which come from the amazing Natalie Goldberg. Thanks for reading! Here’s what I got for today:
Don’t try to escape your loneliness with iPhones and shitty relationships, don’t run away, don’t hate because your heart has been broken, don’t mask your depression with pills and booze, don’t cower because it all scares you, don’t calm your anxiety with things that numb and make you feel hollow, don’t push those unspeakable memories into airtight jars. Don’t do any of that. Stop.
Let it all in.
So you’re lonely. We’re all lonely. Let it cut you. Deeper. Feel so afraid that you start to shake, that your bones shake, that your voice shakes. If you’re depressed? Cry! Cry all day long. Get sick. Detox. Your heart is broken because you are capable of love. Congrats. Open wider. Keep going. Walk into this. Let your anxiety and worries have a voice, let them set you on fire. Speak of them. They are so weak. You know better.
And as for the memories, those things that have happened, the things that telescope your stomach and crawl into your back, don’t look away. Don’t avoid. Think of them. Give them air. They are all yours, however unspeakable they have become. They are in your body and have changed you, you will carry them until the day you die. Do they feel heavy? Of course they do. But you know of weightlessness! You have felt it before, maybe recently. However fleeting, you are capable of flight. Play the songs that remind you of it, walk into the room that it happened, read the letter, wear the dress. Stand in front of it, you don’t have to stand tall but stand true, like that time you were a just a child.
We live in a moment of pills and cures and temporary salves. Being a person who hurts like hell is just not of this time. But don’t give away your pain so easily. There is nothing else that will heal you.